Sunday, May 6, 2012

It’s like a death inside the family…

“It’s like a death inside the family…” have you heard Brantley Gilbert’s song “You Don’t Know Her Like I Do?” I bet you have. This song reminds me of my brother so much but he’s listening to enough sad music right now. I’m not going to give him another one to listen to. But that line, the one about a death inside the family reminds me of the rest of us. It's so strange now that you're not around.

I'm sorting through all of my pictures and you’re in so many albums…I keep going back to the picture from my wedding where you caught the bouquet. Do you remember? The strap on your dressed popped off and my brother was so upset that someone might have seen something. He wouldn’t let any one watch the wedding dvd for that very reason. He still has that DVD you know…I never did get it back.

You have been a huge part of our family for nearly four years…and for me, I counted you as a sister, a very much loved sister and one of my friends. But, after everything that’s been said, I’m beginning to question if you were ever my friend at all. This person that you say you are isn’t the person I’ve known…not even close. Hurtful things have been said by EVERYONE and I don’t know if we can ever be friends again, not like we were. I love my brother and I’ll always be his big sister and I’ll always want to protect him, because that is what older siblings are supposed to do. I hope you know that…

There’s a right way and a wrong way to handle things and this whole situation hasn’t been handled well at all. I go from being so mad I’m shaking to being so sad I just want to cry because I lost such a good friend. I’ve tried and tried to write you a letter on here and deleted them all because they don’t come across quite right. Too many questions and the tone has just been all wrong. There is one thing though…

How do I explain to my seven year old sister, who absolutely adores you, that you don’t want her around and that when it comes down to it, you probably don’t even like her anymore? It broke my heart yesterday to watch her follow you around. Don’t string her along.

I don’t know if we’ll ever really talk again, but I know you probably don’t want a text or phone call from me so I’m not going to bother you. I took you off my Facebook so I don’t get accused of telling my brother you’re seeing someone else. I really don’t care anymore.

For the record, it wasn’t me or anyone in my family. Just in case you forgot though, there are lots of people in my little home town and at the lake that love and adore my brother because he is a GOOD person, not because he’s a professional athlete (sorry, it’s the big sister in me).

We’ll always love you…the you that we’ve known. If there is anything you take away from your relationship with my brother, I hope it’s that the entire family loved you and never once shut you out.

I hope you get everything you want in life and I hope you’re safe...I really do...I would have loved to officially have you as a sister...


No comments:

Post a Comment